


Server Name: MIND PALACE

by reflectiveless



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Hedgehogs, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Otters, Secrets, Sex Toys, Smut, Video Game AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-30 10:21:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reflectiveless/pseuds/reflectiveless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Fic. John, still in his early 20's is back in college after being discharged from the military. He meets an intriguing man in an online game named Sherlock Holmes and finds he's oddly drawn to him. But is Sherlock hiding something from John? (This is a Johnlock)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Server Name: Mind palace

 

John had been held after class that day when his teacher noticed he was struggling with some of the simpler math problems.

 

“Sorry, it’s just- it’s been five years since I was in school last, it’s been a bit hard to adjust.” John unconsciously rubbed his bad arm, he could still feel where the bullet ripped into his shoulder.

 

Dr. Vure nodded accordingly, “Well I know this must be a bit boring compared to the war-“

 

“No, boring is fine, good even.”

 

He knew that night he would need a good raid to get his mind off school and the war.

 

* * *

 

 

-Paladin Halfling looking for a party, anyone want to team up?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

It was the same message he put up nearly every night, just looking for a group mission to kill time before he had to go to sleep and start his school day all over again.

 

-Medic or just a tank?- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Bit of both actually, what about you?- _Captain Hedgehog_

-Prestige class: Consulting Detective- _Deducing Otter_

 

-I’ve never heard of the class before- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-I’m the only one- _Deducing Otter_

 

-What? How’s that possible?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Simple, I hacked the game and created it. Wasn’t that hard actually, just had to have the feat Canny Sleuth, Discern Lies, and Alertness.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Wow, that’s brilliant!- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

There was a pause and John found he was uncharacteristically smiling at the type on the computer screen.

 

-You really think so?- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Of course, amazing even- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-That’s not what people normally say- _Deducing Otter_

 

-What do people normally say?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-“I’m reporting you for hacking and then taking your gold”- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Yikes! Well I don’t mind :) Party?- _Captain Hedgehog_

_Deducing Otter sends server invitation. Join server: MIND PALACE?_

John blinked at the odd server name, “Mind Palace? That’s an odd one…” he clicked the small icon to join and sent a request of his own.

 

Sherlock rarely found people who wanted to team up with him, and even rarer did he find people that he wanted in his party.

 

_Captain Hedgehog has sent you a friend request: Do you accept?_

He was glad he was in the privacy of his small room or he would have been thoroughly embarrassed that he was smiling of all things about a friend request from someone he just met on an online game.

 

They both played well into the night, far later then they had initially planned.

 

* * *

 

 

“How have your classes been going?”

 

“Alright I suppose. It’s strange going to school again.” John sat stiffly in his chair looking out the large bay windows.

 

“But you’re doing well?”

 

“Er, relatively yea I suppose.”

 

Ella looked up from her notes, “You seem tired? Have you been sleeping well?”

 

“Not really, been having a few late nights recently.”

 

“You haven’t been taking your pills have you? They really do help with the nightmares John, I think you should really consider it.”

 

“Oh, no, it’s not that.” He was a tad nervous about telling her the real reason but she looked at him expectantly and he knew he had to elaborate, “Well, there’s this game- online I mean- and I play it at night mostly.”

 

She seemed a bit disappointed, “Doesn’t this affect your studies?”

 

 _Like they even matter_ “No, it’s all fine. It’s the only time that my, um, well, it’s when people come online to play it.”

 

Ella caught the lapse in speech, “It’s the only time when what?”

 

“Well, just that my friend only comes online at night to play, so that’s when I get on.”

 

She beamed, “Oh! You should have said so, that’s good. When did you meet your friend? You haven’t mentioned one before.”

 

“A few days ago, I was looking for a team up- that’s when two or more people decide to play together in the game- and he let me into his server.”

 

Ella blinked in confusion; she wasn’t a very internet savvy person. “I’m sorry? Are you saying you met him online then?”

 

John licked his lower lip, _not the right thing to have said then_. “Yes.”

 

“So he’s not really a friend, have you considered meeting some new people? Maybe joining a club at school or going on dates?”

 

It was these moments that he really hated being forced to go to therapy for psychological evaluation.

 

* * *

 

-I thought you would be on earlier. Raid?- _Deducing Otter_

-Sorry, therapy- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

“Shit shit shit, I hit send! Fuck… I didn’t want him to know that.” John cursed at his screen.

 

-Physical or psychological?- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Uh, psych. Sorry, wasn’t thinking when I hit send, I’m not a nutter or anything like that.- _Captain Hedgehog_

-No worries. Just wondered due to your hand- _Deducing Otter_

 

-My hand?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-You only use the commands on the right side of the keyboard when doing mundane activities, but favor the left while in combat. At first I thought you were right handed, but then ambidextrous, but if you were you wouldn’t favor one side while fighting. So you’re left handed but can’t always use your left hand. I’m assuming your not using it to masturbate while playing online games, so it must be injured somehow.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-How on earth did you know all that?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Simple. I am a deducing Otter. :) – _Deducing Otter_

John couldn’t help but to laugh, he never even thought of asking what on earth ‘deducing otter’ even meant before. Not that his username made much more sense, just an army nickname he picked up.

 

-Ah, that makes worlds of sense now.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Ah, simple minded Hedgehog, I would imagine the term ‘deducing’ is beyond your scope. It’s when you discover facts about a person and make discoveries about them based on those facts.- _Deducing Otter_

-That’s Captain Hedgehog thank you very much! And that sounds more like IN-ductive reasoning then DE-ductive reasoning.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Shut up. I made this account years ago and I’ve already got a reputation with this name…- _Deducing Otter_

 

John stifled a laugh as his dorm mate came in.

 

-I wont say a word if you wont- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

“Are you playing that damn game again? You play that all night long,”

 

“I use headphones.” He defended.

 

“But the light is on”

 

“Then put a blanket over your face.”

 

“You’re a shit roommate.”

 

“Then complain to the school and find a different room.”

 

-Dorm mates are the worst.- _Captain Hedgehog._

-I wouldn’t know. But they’re probably not as bad as older brothers.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Live at home then?- _Captain Hedhehog_

 

There was a long pause.

 

-Sorry, didn’t mean to ask something personal- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

John bit his lip nervously, he thought they had talked online enough for questions like that already, perhaps he was wrong.

 

-It’s alright. Yes, I do.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-I couldn’t wait to get out of my house, joined the army first chance I could.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Ah, so you were injured then?- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Shot in the shoulder, makes it hard to use my left hand at times.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-But it’s also psychosomatic, which is why it’s fine when you’re raiding and why you see a therapist.- _Deducing Otter_

                                            

-I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. I wasn’t thinking.- _Deducing Otter_

-Please forgive me.- _Deducing Otter_

-Hedgehog?- _Deducing Otter_

-Sorry about that, my damn dorm mate is causing a scene in the hall. I swear he lowers the IQ of the whole college. I’m still here, not going anywhere.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Oh… of course.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Sorry to worry you Otter- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-I wasn’t worried- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Sure. ;)- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Maybe a little.- _Deducing Otter_


	2. Chapter 2

John was sick. He was really and truly incredibly sick. It was the first time he missed a class, feeling bloody awful as he lay motionless in bed. He watched his computer sitting on his desk idly, it wasn’t as if gaming could worsen his health. He would still be inside where it’s warm and could always stop and rest if he needed it. As soon as he sat up in bed and swung his legs over the edge the weight of his fever hit him. His muscles felt terribly weak and he could tell he would be able to support his own weight if he stood.

 

 _I’ll just lay down for a few minutes more, I’ll feel better then,_ he told himself.

 

When he woke up again he could see through his small dorm window that it was dark outside, he had slept through the entire day. John felt extremely groggy and tried to stumble out of bed to look for something to drink. A small water bottle sat at the foot of the shabby mattress, John grabbed it and drank greedily before falling back asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

-Hedgehog! Where have you been?! It’s been two days!-

 

-Sorry, I had the flu, I wanted to come on and tell you I would be gone, but I couldn’t get out of bed.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Are you alright?! I wish I had known.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Worrier you are. I’m fine now.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-I am not. I simply needed my paladin.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Sure you did.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Should you be under any duress again feel free to contact me via text. (579) 987-5555- _Deducing Otter_

“He… gave me his number?” John stared at the screen transfixed, he hadn’t expected that at all.

 

* * *

 

 

Being forced to go to a study group tonight, wont be online, sorry.

 

Captain Hedgehog?- SH

 

:) You can just call me John since we’re texting now. What does ‘SH’ mean?

 

My phone does that automatically, Sherlock Holmes- SH

 

Sherlock? That’s an unusual name, can’t say I’ve ever met another Sherlock, in more ways then one.- JW

 

Copying my text signature now? And should I be insulted that I’m the only one?- SH

 

You rub off on me. And far from it, you’re unique. Your name suits you.- JW

 

* * *

 

 

If convenient, come online.- SH

 

If inconvenient, come online anyway.- SH

 

I’m in class. –JW

 

:( Leave.- SH

 

Can’t -JW

 

There’s a raid, could be dangerous -SH

 

I’ll be on soon.- JW

 

I’ll be waiting.- SH

 

* * *

 

-What are you doing!! There are Orks over there and you’re going to get yourself killed!!- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Well where are you!? You should know better then to run off without your medic AND Tank!- _Captain Hedeghog_

 

-John this isn’t working out.- _Deducing Otter_

John stared at the screen in disbelief, his character dazed and unable to move, not that he was paying any attention to that.

 

-I’m sorry, I’ll follow you. Please don’t boot me from the server.- _Captain Hedgehog_

Could his friend, just like that, really cut all ties?

 

-You’re an idiot. I’m not booting you. Do you have skype?- _Deducing Otter_

It took John a few minutes to set up a skype account, the messaging system seemed much faster to the one they used through their game.

 

 _Friend request from Deducing Otter. -_ Same screen name then? You must really like Hedgehogs.-

 

John smiled and clicked the accept button, not sure how messaging on Skype was really all that better then the in game system. No sooner then he did that a small window popped up on his screen with a small green phone and a camera with a strike through it. Not entirely sure what it was he clicked the green phone.

 

“Hello? John? You there?” A deep baritone came from his computer.

 

“Sh-Sherlock? Is that… you?” He wasn’t at all expecting a voice quite like that.

 

“Ah good. Your mic is in excellent condition. This should be a must faster method of discussing our tactics.”

 

“You’re talking through my computer…”

 

“Through your speaker, yes. Not exactly brain surgery John.”

 

* * *

 

 

There was an irritating ringing coming from John’s computer, he clicked the green phone icon.

 

“You’re not in game.”

 

“I’m working on a paper.” John frustratingly typed away, school was already starting to burn him out.

 

“Can you do both?” Sherlock’s voice peaked a bit.

 

“Are you serious?” he asked incredulously.

 

“Fine. I can wait.”

 

“It’s a long paper, this could take a few hours.”

 

“I’m not doing anything else.”

 

John sighed and shook his head, expecting Sherlock to hang up then and move on to something else. A few moments later he glanced back up at the screen and noticed the line was still connected.

 

“Er- are you still there?”

 

“Yes.” There was a strange hint of excitement in his voice that John nearly missed.

 

“Listening to me?”

 

The voice seemed hesitant, “I said I would wait.”

 

* * *

 

 

That Friday John came home to the baritone from his speakers apparently talking to no one. He stepped in quietly listening as Sherlock ranted about his classes and how boring they were and how much he hated his brother.

 

“But the worst part is how he insists I stay in all the time! Its awful being cooped up in here just sitting in my damn chair.”

 

It was the first time John heard Sherlock talking about his life and not just the game, though he had slowly been asking John more and more about his own life. He forgot himself for a moment and dropped his backpack on the floor, causing a small thud. The baritone voice quickly stopped and John bit his lip. _‘Well he shouldn’t be talking to my empty room if he doesn’t want me to come home and hear him.’_

A long and awkward moment passed before the voice came back, nervous, “John?”

 

“Oi, I just got home, how are you talking without me picking up?”

 

Sherlock swallowed, _perhaps he hadn’t heard all the things he was talking about and really had just come home? John was honest, he wouldn’t lie about a thing like that._

 

“You left your computer on.” Sherlock tried to shake the nervous tone from his voice.

 

“Yea… but I didn’t answer a call before I left.”

 

“I answered it for you.”

 

“What?” John stepped close to the computer and flicked his mouse so the screen would light up. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

 

“Oh don’t worry, I only hacked it to install security measures so no one else would.”

 

“Why would someone else hack my computer? Forget that, why would you hack my computer? To answer a call to yourself of all things…”

 

“Bored.”

 

“Bored?” John repeated confused.

 

“Bored!”

 

“Alright alright, don’t go shooting walls or anything.”

 

* * *

 

 

It soon became a regular occurrence for John to come back to his dorm to the sound of Sherlock talking to himself through John’s computer, though the topics seemed much more restrained from that first time.

 

“So you’re in college then yea?” The was a lapse in the game and John decided to fill the silence.

 

“Mhm.”

 

“So how is it you always seem to be home?”

 

“Online courses.” Sherlock kept to his usual monotone voice.

 

“Oh, right, oh course. You… never leave your house do you?”

 

“Mmm, no.” it wasn’t a very friendly answer.

 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t bother you. I’m starting to sound like my damn therapist now- always harping me that I need to get out more.” John tried relieving the conversation of it’s unwarranted tension.

 

There was a light unexpected chuckle and muffled voice, “Sounds like mine.”

 

“You’ve a therapist too?”

 

Silence.

 

“Erm, it doesn’t matter you know, it’s all fine.” John added

 

“I rather not talk about it is all.”

 

“Then we wont. Raid?”

 

“Thank you… and yes, lets. John?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“How old are you?” Sherlock asked curiously.

 

“Twenty three-“ it had never occurred to him to ask how old Sherlock was, he knew he was in college now, but he could have been a kid for all he knew before. “You?”

 

“Nineteen.”

 

John smiled, that was close enough to his age. 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

John couldn’t sleep, he raided for a few hours with Sherlock in game, then laid in bed staring at his ceiling for a couple hours more. It was useless; sleep just wasn’t coming to him. At 3am John couldn’t take it anymore and sat back down at his computer and started typing in porn sights.

 

-You’re up late.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Oh, thought you went to sleep.- _Captain Hedgehog_

He would have come online sooner had he known his friend was still up.

 

-Couldn’t,- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Same here _.- Captain Hedgehog_

 

-No one’s online gaming right now.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Seems to be that time of night.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-So what are you doing on?- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Nothing, you?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

John skimmed through the newest posted porn videos, glad Sherlock chose text opposed to talking this night.

 

-Hacking _.- Deducing Otter_

 

-Sometimes I think you say that just to impress me- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

John clicked on a video keeping his comp on silent and watched as he switched from it to the skype window.

 

-Do not. I could hack nearly any computer.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-Really?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Yes, for instance…-  _Deducing Otter_

 

The bar where new text showed up blinked for a while, indicating Sherlock was typing, then disappeared. John blinked, _that was odd. Did he delete what he was going to say_?

 

-Cat got your tongue? Not gonna try to impress me anymore?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Porn, John? Really?- _Deducing Otter_

 

John froze. _He didn’t. There’s no way._

 

-What?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-‘Busty Blonds Three Sum?’ Sound familiar?- _Deducing Otter_

 

John looked at the porn he was no longer paying attention to, that was the title. He immediately stopped it.

 

-GET OFF MY COMPUTER!- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-You wanted me to prove myself.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-By invading my privacy!?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Its just porn. Its not a big deal.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-It doesn’t matter what it was! Don’t do that!- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-John, I apologize profusely. I had no idea what you were doing or that I would offend you.- _Deducing Otter_

 

-You’re a wanker, but you’re forgiven, this once.- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-I believe that term applies more to you then me at the moment. ;) – _Deducing Otter_

 

-Shut up XD – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

They couldn’t hear each other but both men found themselves laughing at the silliness of the situation.

 

-I’ll be getting revenge for this, you’ve been warned _.- Captain Hedgehog_

* * *

 

 

John… my computer broke. –SH

 

What happened? Any way to fix it? –JW

 

Not by myself, no. I might not be able to come online for a while, sorry.  I’m ordering a new one from my phone, not sure how long shipping will take. –SH

 

Couldn’t you take it to a store for repairs? –JW

 

Would be difficult. –SH

 

Difficult? –JW

 

It’s complicated. –SH

 

Would you mind texting me until then? –SH

 

Of course. What would I do without my consulting detective? –JW

 

Get better grades. :) –SH

 

They texted all day long until John was settling into bed, phone still in hand.

 

This is when you typically go to sleep. Thank you for texting me today. –SH

 

No worries, you’re probably bored out of your mind without your computer eh? –JW

 

Surprisingly not as much as I thought I would be, likely due to you of course. –SH

 

Good. Hope you get your computer soon, but it’s been nice today. Off to bed? –JW

 

John watched his screen waiting for the following text to come. It seemed to take longer then the rate at which all the other messages came. Just as he thought Sherlock might have nodded off before texting back his phone buzzed.

 

_Incoming Call_

John smiled disbelievingly and picked up, “Sherlock?”

 

“Sorry... I uh…”

 

“I’m not use to going to sleep without hearing your voice either.”

 

There was a relieved sigh, “Goodnight John.”

 

“Goodnight Sherlock.”

 

John fell asleep still grasping his phone that night, when he woke up there was a text waiting for him.

 

Good morning. –SH

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m sorry, you want to learn how to hack into someone’s computer? why?” Molly was use to eating lunch alone at school days, she was surprised when John walked in and started talking to her.

 

“To prove that I can, can you show me?” John gave her his brightest smile, he didn’t mean to be manipulative, but she really could help him out.

 

“Alright, but I’m telling you now, most girls just aren’t impressed by that sort of thing, just me.” Molly sat at a computer in the student lounge and started showing John the basics, not sure if he would catch on or not.

 

But John was a fast learner and often deserved more credit then he was given. He diligently practiced for a few days until Sherlock sent him a picture text of his new computer while learning from Molly.

 

She’s a beaut! –JW

 

Glad you think so, although you do know computers do not have genders right?- SH

 

Wont be naming it then?- JW

 

John, you are truly ridiculous at times. –SH

 

Raid tonight? –JW

 

Thought you might ask that, of course. –SH

 

Molly shot him a peculiar half smiling look.

 

“Sorry, I get a lot of texts these days.” John continued looking at the small screen.

 

“No worries, is that the girl you’re trying to impress?” She nodded towards the phone.

 

“Hm? Girl? Oh, I’m not trying to…”

 

“It’s fine, there’s really no other reason someone would want to learn this sort of thing so quickly, unless you’re trying to get government files.” She giggled.

 

“Heh, well, neither, just trying to show a friend I’m not the novice he thinks I am.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was late, a bit too late to start a new raid that would likely take hours of play, but John still had a good half hour still in him before he could sleep.

 

“So Sherlock, tell me about yourself.”

 

“Not much to tell, you already know about all of it. Live at home with my brother, go to school online, I don’t get out much…” his voice trailed off unenthusiastically.

 

“Hm.” John thought for a moment, “What do you look like?”

 

There was a distinct pause. “Does it matter?”

 

“No… not really. Was just curios.” John swallowed, _perhaps it was a bad idea to ask that._

“Black hair, curly.” There was a breathy sigh picked up by the speaker, “Rather pale.”

 

“Are you tall?”

 

“Hm? Why do ask?”

 

“Your voice… it’s very deep. Sorry, shouldn’t assume, just it seems like the voice of someone tall.” John tried imagining him in his mind.

 

“Six feet actually.”

 

John chuckled to himself, “You would tower over me then.”

 

The line went awkwardly silent again.

 

“Erm, I just mean that I’m a bit on the short side.”

 

The line remained quiet a bit longer until a curious voice asked, “How short?”

 

“Five five.”

 

“Hmm.” He seemed more bemused now. “Go on.”

 

“Heh, well, short blond hair, hideous shoulder from the bullet wound, just average other then that I suppose.”

 

Sherlock smiled to himself, ‘ _average_ ’, not a word he would use to describe his friend. Suddenly his mind began to buzz with hundreds of questions, What shade was his skin? The texture of his hair? The shape of his hands? What his lips looked like when he smiled? So very many little questions he knew would be considered odd to ask and would likely go unanswered, at least not properly. A simple verbal description was not nearly enough, he needed more, something slightly more tangible, he needed to actually see John for himself.

 

“Ah yes… skype has a camera function…” Sherlock softly thought out loud.

 

“It does? So I could see you then?”

 

Sherlock bit his tongue, he truly hadn’t meant to say that. “Well, yes, it’s possible…”

 

John caught the carefully chosen wording, “It’s alright, we don’t have to.” He tried to hide his disappointment.

 

Sherlock was so close to seeing his friend and yet his inhibitions wouldn’t allow him.

 

“Just, ah, not today?”

 

“Tomorrow?” John was hopeful

 

“Yes…” the baritone was uneasy “Tomorrow…”


	4. Chapter 4

The next day couldn’t come soon enough. John didn’t focus on a single word one of his teachers said. He rushed back to his dorm as soon as possible, booting his computer up. He had set his skype account up so it automatically turned on when the computer came on, a small green check appearing next to his screen name. John smiled brightly when saw Deducing Otter already had a green check next to his name as well, clicking the name a small picture of a skull came up- he had grown very accustomed to this image representing his friend.

 

Online? – _Captain Hedgehog_

Aren’t I always?- _Deducing Otter_

 

John’s fingers hovered over the keyboard hesitantly, he didn’t want to sound too excited over the prospect of seeing Sherlock for the first time. His hand dropped down to the mouse instead, clicking the symbol of the phone instead, waiting nervously as his speaker made an irritating ringing noise.

 

“No one’s online today, not much we can do in game I’m afraid.” The baritone seemed particularly bored.

 

“That’s alright, we could talk instead.” John readily replied.

 

“How was your day then?” the voice already seemed brighter. “Just drive home?”

 

“The dorms are pretty close to campus, I just walk.”

 

There was a hum on the other end of the computer.

 

“umm, last night…” John began hesitantly; he didn’t want to scare Sherlock off again.

 

“I promised we could cam.” The baritone filled in.

 

“If that’s alright that is.” John quickly added.

 

There was loud squeaking from the speaker, _likely Sherlock adjusting his camera or chair_ he told himself.The green image of a little camcorders popped up on John’s screen, he smiled to himself knowing he was finally going to be able to see his friend.

 

There was a horrible glare from the camera as the screen flashed bright white. Slowly, features came into focus. Dark curly hair framed a pale white face, sharp cheek bones casting shadows down the sides of his face extenuating the thin frame. John couldn’t help but to smile in response to the sight.

 

“Well hello there,” the cupid’s bow lips curled up, “John.”

 

It felt good to not only hear his name, but see the way the lips parted to form it.

 

John gave a soft chuckle, “You are pale.”

 

Sherlock’s brow furrowed a bit, “I don’t get much sun…”

 

“It looks good, on you I mean, erm, not everyone can pull it off, you do…” he started fumbling over his words, Sherlock caught on and flashed a bemused smile. John raised his hand to run it through his hair and hide his slightly flushed expression _. I’m being an idiot._

“You think far too loud.”

 

“Hm?” John’s head popped back up, light catching his blue eyes just right. “I _think_ too loud?”

 

“Most people do.”

 

It was nice gaming and being able to look up at Sherlock laughing at the same time, tucked away in his corner of John’s screen. The night had passed quicker then all of their previous ones. He would occasionally look up and catch his pale friend observing him, though it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling.

 

John glanced at his clock, 11pm. He really wasn’t tired yet but other gamers were getting increasingly hard to come across in game. John leaned back in his chair as they both waited for more people to log on, but it seemed futile. John tilted his head, even when waiting idly Sherlock always had such straight posture. He clicked the small icon of his friend and the image filled the screen. He was obviously not aware that he was being watched so keenly. John couldn’t help but notice Sherlock’s eyes were racing across his screen- obviously not due to the game they were playing, a small smile on his face, barely noticeable even with the screen enlarged like it was. 

 

“So, what are you up to?”

 

Sherlock’s eyes lifted only momentarily to meet with John’s before dropping back down to what he was looking at, his smile growing coyer. “Nothing, looking a few articles online up.”

 

“Oh? Anything interesting?” John couldn’t help but to think Sherlock’s expression looked down right mischievous.

 

“Mhm, very interesting.”

 

John cocked his head but the younger man made no elaborations. A grin found it’s way to his face, “Shall I hack onto your screen and find out for myself then?”

 

“Please do, I would be truly amazed by such a feat from a man who a few weeks ago couldn’t figure out how I was ‘talking through his computer.’” Sherlock mocked playfully.

 

“Well maybe I’ve learned a thing or two since then.”

 

“Highly unlikely.” Sherlock mused, his eyes not leaving what he had been focusing on.

 

John stretched his back overly dramatically for affect and cracked his knuckles against the speaker before typing furiously. Sherlock didn’t need to believe him, in fact, it made it more fun this way. It wasn’t long before Sherlock’s screen was overlaying his own and he could see what he was up to. A small image of himself on camera was in the corner, he smiled briefly at his devious plot to get revenge for the time Sherlock had hacked his computer, even if all he would see was a few boring reddit articles. His eyes navigated over to the main part of the screen that Sherlock seemed to be focusing so intently on.

 

John’s eyes widened instantly, perhaps it wasn’t too late to click out and pretend he hadn’t see it. But in the corner of the screen he caught Sherlock staring at him with a perplexed expression.

 

“See something shocking?” he was unaware John was looking at his screen still.

 

“Uh…” he never was good at lying. “I didn’t realize that… I’m sorry, you did say you were just reading articles…”

 

Sherlock’s eyes doubled in size. _He didn’t… He couldn’t…_ He could feel his face reddening but couldn’t stop it. “You’re putting me on…” his hands felt frozen, unable to close the tab on the offending webpage.

 

John swallowed deeply, a bit flush from what he discovered, but then he recalled how Sherlock had so coldly read off the name of the porn he caught him watching when his computer was the one being hacked. “Adam and Steve dot com?” he cocked an eyebrow for effect.

 

Sherlock went stone still, his mouth hanging open as his brain tried to think of an explanation. It would have been one thing had John found him looking at any regular sex toy website, but this one was prominently displaying vibrators and prostate massagers.

 

Seeing his friend look suddenly sick to the stomach guilt started wrapping it’s way around Joh, “Hey, it’s fine, sorry, you look like you’re going to faint… you’re the one that said it’s just-“

 

Sherlock abruptly cut him off finally finding his voice, “It’s not ok John! It’s not natural and you probably think I’m sort of freak now- which I probably am- and… stop looking at me like that!”

 

“Oi, didn’t you hear what I just said? I said it’s fine, it’s all fine, really. You’re not a freak, it’s normal to be into that sort of thing. Really.”

 

Sherlock sucked in a much needed breath, _John couldn’t mean that, he was a freak, he knew this._  Yet there was John, not laughing, not leaving him, just watching with a gut turning look of sympathy on his face. “ I told you to stop looking at me like that.”

 

“Like what? A concerned friend? Lots of people are into these thing, honest. It doesn’t make you gay either if that’s what you’re concerned about- not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, or any other orientation.”

 

Sherlock looked up, facing John on the other side of the computer camera, eyes slightly shiny, he could tell John was being sincere. He had gotten particularly good at discerning lies. “You’re into that sort of thing then?”

 

“What? Me? Oh, no! No- I’m just- it’s fine is all- I’ve never… I mean, not that I wouldn’t, just that I’ve never really considered-“

 

It was faint, but Sherlock’s mouth peeked up a bit at the right corner in a slightly bemused smile, “And why is that then? Not the least bit curious?” he would have died from embarrassment a few minutes previously for saying that, but John was turning a most pleasant shade of red as he flustered through his words.

 

For the briefest of moments John’s eyes wandered over the webpage, pupils growing larger, Sherlock too it in as his smile deepened into something else. “No- I don’t um…”

 

“No? You seem a bit interested.” 


	5. Don't Open That

“Seems… painful.” John carefully selected his words, still looking at the webpage on Sherlock’s screen. Eyes absorbing the size and angles of the unusual toys.

 

“Not terribly and only at first.” Sherlock’s baritone seemed to rumble through John’s speakers.

 

“I wouldn’t even really know what to do with something like that-“ John’s mind screamed to just stop talking before he made a greater fool of himself.

 

“It’s not exactly rocket science- which is rather simple actually- “ Sherlock’s eyes ran down John’s compact body through the screen. “Curious enough to try one?” he subtly raised an eyebrow.

 

John could feel his face going even redder, “Umm…”

 

A loud pounding came from Sherlock’s bedroom door. John peered behind Sherlock’s back wondering if this meant he would be seeing the irritating sod of a brother his friend was always going on about.

 

“Sherlock! Do you have any idea what time it is?”

 

A flash of fear came across Sherlock’s face as the door began to open behind him, “Sorry John, goodnight.” The screen suddenly went black before returning to John’s normal desktop, meaning Sherlock’s compute had been turned off.

 

John sat in his swivel chair blinking confusedly. “Goodnight Sherlock…” he whispered to the empty room.

 

* * *

 

 

John woke early the following day, he had a restless night and just couldn’t seem to stay asleep. He clicked his alarm off before it chimed it’s annoying buzzing sound John couldn’t stand, but knew was the only noise that would wake him.

 

John’s phone screen lit up with a buzz, indicating a new text.

 

Sorry about last night, there were things out of my control. –SH

 

John shook his head and smiled

 

That was the irritating sod I take it?- JW

 

Yes, Mycroft. –SH

 

Ah, so why the sudden goodbye? –JW

 

He’s a tad on the overprotective side –SH

 

Maybe that’s just how he shows that he cares. -JW

 

Trust me John, he does not care about me. –SH

 

* * *

 

 

“Your studied have been dropping as of late. You’re not still playing that game are you? The online one?” Ella was holding a pad of paper for jotting notes down balanced on the edge of her knee. He real focus was on John, who was staring out the window and being relatively non responsive.

 

“Hmm? Oh, well, classes have been difficult, again, not really use to being back in school after all.” John finally turned to look at her, his gaze still a bit distant.

 

“You always dance around my questions, you’re still staying up late every night aren’t you?”

 

“I don’t stay up that late, everyone at school goes to sleep well past midnight these days.”

 

Ella gave a very irritated glare, “It doesn’t matter when other students go to sleep, it matters when you do. What about this internet person you met? He’s he still the reason why you’re playing this ‘game’ online?”

 

John could feel his fist unconsciously clench, “He’s not why I play the game… it’s just more fun to play with him.” He could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket, it drove him crazy not knowing who the text was from or what he said, but he had to restrain himself.

 

“Why can’t you find a friend you know in real life to play it with you? During the day of course.”

 

John hated the way she said ‘real life,’ as if anything that happened online wasn’t real. Sherlock was real, he was his friend, John just simply hasn’t met him in person yet.

 

“I haven’t met too many people since the war.”

 

“Then I think you should really try working on that.”

 

John let out a huff of irritation, at least his session was nearly over.

 

The moment he was able to leave, John pulled out his cell phone, it blinked with the new message awaiting him.

 

Sent you something, got your address from the IP address of your computer, hope you enjoy. –SH

 

That’s not one of those not good things is it? –SH

 

I regret this decision, do not open the package when it arrives. –SH

 

John had a tilted smile and shook his head fondly. How was Sherlock this bloody crazy and so amusing at once?

 

It’s fine, don’t worry about it, I wont judge you for whatever it is. –JW

 

No, John, you don’t understand. I wasn’t thinking right, please do this for me, and do not open it. –SH

 

It was killing John to know what he had sent.

Fine, so what, if I get a package I don’t remember ordering I just toss it out? –SH

 

Precisely. –SH

 

I really mean it, do not open it. -SH

_Brilliant._

 

* * *

 

 

Three days had passed and John came home to a small brown box sitting outside his door. It was the size of the prescription medication his therapist had been prescribing to him for his nightmares of the war. Like always, the box had no description on it other then his name and dorm address on a printed sticker on top. Medicine is considered a personal matter and pharmacies tended not to let information out.

 

John flopped down on his bed kicking his shoes off. Laying on his back he grabbed a knife from the end table and began cutting the package open. A small thought popped up in the back of his mind, his last pill container was still over half full, they shouldn’t be sending him a new one already. John shrugged the thought off and continued ripping the tape off.

 

“Oh… oh my god.”


	6. What's in the Box?

 

“Oh… oh my god.”

 

The package did not contain a pill subscription. The only logical explanation was that it was the parcel Sherlock had warned him not to open.

 

“He sent me…” John couldn’t wrap his mind around it. He knew he had promised not to open it, but it was far too late for that now, John had already seen it and there was no way of unseeing it.

 

A beep came from his computer that had been set on sleep mode. Jolting out of his thoughts, John left the plain brown box where it sat on his bed and jumped into his swivel chair.

 

Bored. – _Deducing Otter_

 

John bit his lower lip, ‘ _Why would he send me that?_ ’ he wasn’t sure if he was more confused by what was sent or that it was too him.

 

It would be simple to merely pretend that he never opened it, yet he couldn’t just get rid of the box. Even if he had tried to take it back, Sherlock had sent it initially, wanted John to have it. Or at least that’s what John had told himself as an excuse to keep it.

 

John glanced over his shoulder at the box one more time before a second beep came from the screen.

 

Home yet?- _Deducing Otter_

Just got in. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

The irritatingly loud ringing sounded indicating Sherlock was attempting to cam. Instead of answering, John jumped out of the chair to remove the box from the bed.

 

You’re not answer. _–Deducing Otter_

Are you busy? _–Deducing Otter_

Shall I answer for you _?-Deducing Otter_

 

Knowing Sherlock had a neck for hacking John’s computer simply to answer his own calls, John hurried back to the chair, placing the box under the desk where there was no way of Sherlock seeing it.

 

I’m just going to answer it for you if you don’t. – _Deducing Otter_

 

“Rude, what if I was doing something private?” John clicked the call button, allowing Sherlock to see and hear him.

 

“Well you weren’t, so what does it matter?”

 

“You don’t know- ugh, why do I even bother?” John did his best not to look at the box, but he found his eyes kept drifting to it.

 

Sherlock cocked his head and straightened his back, looking at John a bit too intensely for the former soldier’s liking. “Ah, so you were doing something. Hmm, you didn’t have enough time to get dressed before you answered, so you weren’t changing your clothes…”

 

“Stop that!”

 

“There’s no one else in the room with you from what I can see…”

 

“I mean it! Don’t you dare deduce me!”

 

“Hmm, you’re flush now, meaning it was something particularly embarrassing. In general or with me? Ah, definitely to do with me.” Sherlock was smiling now, he was very close to figuring it out he thought.

 

“I swear to god if you….” John could feel his fists calling, why was Sherlock always so damn difficult?

 

“Ah, what class did you just come back from? Let’s see, it’s Wednesday, which means….  Which… means…. Oh…. OH.” Sherlock could feel the blood running to his face. _He didn’t… he said he wouldn’t…_

 

John bit his lower lip, it was the first time he had seen Sherlock showing any sort of strong emotion, he knew it was really only a matter of time before that mad genius found out anyway.

 

“Why did you open it!? I told you not to! You promised… why John?”

 

“Hey there! Just calm down alright? I’m sorry, I really am. I forgot… and the package looked just like… um, a different package, one I was expecting.”

 

“Pill packages look entirely different, they are much smaller! Now you’ll never want to talk to me again.” Sherlock was trying hard to regain his composure, but failing miserably at it.

 

“Pill package- how did you?-“

 

“Obvious, you’re a terrible insomniac, of course you take pills.”

John rolled his eyes, of course he would know that, “Hang on now, why on earth would I stop talking to you?”

 

“Oh don’t play games, you saw it… I don’t know what I was thinking…”

 

John’s throat felt as though it was closing off a bit, Sherlock looked as though he was on the brink of tears. “Shh, it’s ok, really. This is about that night isn’t it? When I… saw you’re computer screen?”

 

Sherlock nodded silently.

 

John sighed, “It’s ok, it was… thoughtful? I think.” He’s certainly never heard of someone giving their mate a sex toy before, aside from being a gag gift that was. “It’s a… actually I’m not too sure what it is…” his brow furrowed a bit. He wasn’t exactly an expert, but he could tell this was something special.

 

“You’re… keeping it then?” there was a hint of hope in his voice.

 

“Bit of an odd gift, but yes, I suppose I am. If that’s alright with you of course.”

 

Sherlock perked up at that, “Of course it is… I did get it for you after all.” The blush was still there, but now his mouth had the smallest of smiles.

 

“So, um, not to sound like an idiot… but what exactly do I do with it?” damn it to hell, Sherlock looked like a school boy caught with a dirty magazine, he had to press this another step further. John pulled the box out from under the desk, making sure it was in Sherlock’s view.

 

“It’s a specialty piece actually, new-- line.” Sherlock’s voice cracked as he saw the package, John’s hand inside, touching it.

 

John wrapped his digits around the slender, milky white cylinder. It was very simplistic in appearance, but the moment he touched it he could tell the interior was not merely plastic, it had a strange combination of feeling organic as well as mechanical. “It’s a vibrator? But there’s no controls?”

 

“Look in the box.” Sherlock swallowed hoarsely, god, John was actually holding it, and in front of him at that.

 

John looked back in the box, picking up the piece he hadn’t seen till then. His expression slowly turning from one of confusion to shocked surprise. “It’s… oh my god. Is this what I think it is?”

 

“Plug it in and open a music file.”

 

“Holy shit, it’s a USB dildo.” Nearly giggling at the very thought, John plugged the wireless usb plug in and played the first song that he found. Sure enough, the toy began vibrating in accordance to the song. Sometimes only softly when the music was quieter, and immensely when the music was loud.

 

Sherlock grinned ear to ear. “Now click the button on the bottom.”

 

“It does more?!” John quickly obeyed, fascinated by the technology, and more then a bit aroused. “Holy mother of sex toys.” Not only did it wiggle, the actual size gyrated, enlarging and shrinking in girth. It was certainly specialty all right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sex toy is based on a real usb vibrator that vibrates to sound wake, such as music on an ipod or computer. The rest is made up. Unless some god of an inventor makes it real.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't suppose to be funny... isn't funny... it's a little funny. But that was unintentional.

Chapter 7

 

John didn’t think his day could drag on any longer, Wednesdays were hell, he had calculus first thing in the morning which he often found himself nodding off during these past few weeks due to his late nights, then political science just after noon. All he could do was think of his unexpected present from his strange friend. It really did seem like a waist to let such an item go unused… John snapped out of his thoughts, he had completely zoned out in the middle of his teacher’s lecture. He tried reminding himself that he wasn’t even interested in that sort of thing, only girls and a good old fashioned wank than you very much. But he found he couldn’t help but wonder what it must be like, after all, there seemed to be a lot of people that did seem to enjoy, perhaps he was being too rash in not giving it a try first.

 

John had gotten use to sneaking into his dorm quietly just in case Sherlock had already hacked his skype account and was taking away at the empty room. The night before however he had taken the precaution of turning his computer off. He locked his door, taking a moment to check the thickness of the walls, which appeared to be adequate. John brought out the slim smooth toy in question and swallowed hoarsely. It was firm yet soft at the same time. He carefully set it on the desk and looked at it for a moment, admiring the subtle curve and smooth texture. The box still sat just beneath his desk, he eyed it for a moment, only then noticing a small container inside. Curious, he brought the box closer and pulled the item out, it was a small bottle of lube that had apparently come with the purchase.

 

“Oh god…” He so easily could use it, that was why Sherlock had gotten it for him after all wasn’t it?

 

With a small smile he picked the device back up, the small USB stick falling out.

 

“Oh… OH.” Shit. John had forgotten it worked by being plugged in. What the hell was he supposed to do? Whenever he turned his computer on, skype would come up and Sherlock was almost always online. He hadn’t planned it like that had he? No, that couldn’t be it. Why would he anticipate something as strange as that? Perhaps he could just sign out of skype and pretend to be busy, which to be fair was an accurate statement.

 

Nervously he booted his computer up, as luck would have it, it was one of the rare occasions that Sherlock wasn’t online. John grinned at his good fortune, although he supposed he wouldn’t actually be aware of what he was doing unless they were using the camera…

 

“No, no, I am not going to start thinking like that.”

 

Whether his friend was aware of it or not, John simply could not do _That_ if Sherlock was online and his computer was on. That was just not acceptable. He could probably hack the speakers and accidentally hear him or some such rubbish.

 

John clicked out of his skype account and plugged the device in, the box claimed it had a range of 25 yards. He wasn’t sure why anyone would need the range to be so long, but he wasn’t about to question it as he plopped down on his bed that was on two feet from his desk anyway.

 

He bit down on his lower lip, he couldn’t believe he was really about to do this. He quickly disrobed and discarded his clothes to the floor. A small button on the bottom of the toy would cause the computer to start playing music and cause it to begin moving, but John decided to save that for a bit.

 

John set the toy down and started by simply stroking himself, he knew it might take some encouragement to build up to the task at hand. He removed the cap to the lube and slicked up his fingers, slowly inserting one inside himself with a small wince. He sat on his knees, legs spread for a better angle as he slowly started fucking himself. One hand played with his balls lightly as he slowly stretched himself till he thought he could push the toy in without much pain.

 

The sleek surface made it easier, pushing it deep inside and waiting for his body to adjust to the new presence. He wasn’t sure why but the overwhelming fullness it made him feel was amazing. A loud moan escaped his throat, instantly turning his cheeks red as he hoped the walls between his room and the next were enough to conceal it.

 

“Oh God!” John hit his prostate dead on, it was almost enough to make him cum but he held back, not wanting to finish so soon. “Fuck…” he slowed down a bit, it was time to see what this toy could really do. John swallowed thickly, glad that his desk and computer were close enough so that he only needed to lean over to press ‘play.’ It didn’t matter too much what song he picked, only the actual beat mattered, control the sensation inside of him. He had hit a random song, The Cloud Atlas Symphony, John wasn’t even sure when or why he had downloaded it. The results were instant. The toy inside him began vibrating, slowly at first but it built up and intensified so powerfully. He was sure he had never played the song before but somehow it was eerily familiar to him, comforting in a way he had never known.

 

There was a bleep that didn’t go with the rest of the music, confusing him at first, the second time it happened he knew it was about to send him over the edge.

 

“aaah” John could barely move, but he looked up at the screen to see what was making the sound, in his haze he hadn’t recognized it. “Shiiiit” the out of place beep was complimenting the musical piece far too well with how it caused the vibrator to move and change. His screen showed that he had accidentally clicked the wrong button earlier when he thought he had turned skype off, it was actually only in his menu bar. “Fuck fuck….” The noise he only recalled now was his skype alerts that Sherlock was messaging him. He knew at this rate his friend was going to make him come.

 

John? - _Deducing Otter_

Are you there? - _Deducing Otter_

 

 The symphony’s music sped up towards the end, John didn’t recognize the sounds that were coming out of him as he lost himself so far in the ecstasy that he no longer cared that Sherlock was causing the best part.

 

The screen showed a pencil meaning Sherlock was writing something, but the delay in knowing another out of place beep was coming was driving him crazy. It was painstakingly long.

 

You’re using it aren’t you? _~Deducing Otter_

 

The sound/ vibration, had ripped a moan straight of him, his hips thrusting forward instantly as he started to climax.

 

I knew you would like it. – _Deducing Otter_

 

“Bloody- bastard-“ John was was near breathless, did Sherlock know what he was doing to him?

 

Working? – _Deducing Otter_

 

Each new message made his orgasm speed up and continue, ridding the pleasure out.

 

 

I hope _–Deducing Otter_

You’re – _Deducing Otter_

Enjoying – _Deducing Otter_

It. – _Deducing Otter_

 

: ) – _Deducing Otter_

 

John collapsed onto the bed, completely spent. He pulled the device out, knowing Sherlock was either mocking him or toying with him now.

 

You’re a bastard, you know that? – _Captain Hedgehog_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 

 

You’re a bastard, you know that? – _Captain Hedgehog_

Really John, such strong words. It’s not my fault you felt it was fine to use an usb sex toy while idling on skype after all. – _Deducing Otter_

 

I wasn’t- John had started to write but deleted it. He had no idea what to say, he didn’t want to admit to using it but he knew Sherlock well enough to know he had figured it out if he had directly said it.

 

Well if you knew that’s what I was doing, why would you message me? _–Captain Hedgehog_

 

There was a long pause before Sherlock responded.

 

You could have turned skype off when I first messaged you, unaware of what you were doing I might add. – _Deducing Otter_

 

It was a fair enough point John considered, but it still seemed like Sherlock was simply trying to change the subject.

 

I was a bit occupied at the time. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Just a bit? – _Consulting Otter_

 

John could practically hear his smug grin through the computer.

 

Maybe more then a bit _\- Captain Hedgehog_

 

Besides, if you actually used a vibrator that I sent you, I figured you wouldn’t be opposed to me assisting. – _Consulting Otter_

 

 ‘Assisting?’ Is that what you’re calling what you just did?- _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Sounded better then ‘messaging you till you came’ _–Deducing Otter_

 

John flashed beat red at his screen.

 

So why did you- John had started to typed before another message was sent.

 

Have to go, wont be back for a while, sorry. – _Deducing Otter_

 

K, bye… - _Captain Hedgehog._

 

John frowned at his computer, there was no point to being online while Sherlock was gone. He couldn’t help but wonder what it was he was doing anyway. He knew it was selfish to want him at the other end of his computer for as long as he wanted though. John was also bothered that he wasn’t upset with him for intentionally getting him off. He wasn’t gay. Knowing Sherlock knew what he was doing shouldn’t have been so erotic.

 

* * *

 

It rained the following day, matching John’s mood. Sherlock hadn’t come back online the night before and he had fallen asleep waiting for him. It wasn’t like he had said he was coming back though… and really there was no need for John to wait for him anyway, but still he had and missed Sherlock dearly.

 

He threw his soaked cardigan on the floor of the dorm, wishing he could just ignore his computer for once but found he really couldn’t. John pretended he wasn’t thrilled to see Sherlock was online, but he knew he was.

 

It’s freezing here, wish I had a fire. _–Captain Hedgehog_

 

No fireplace in your dorm room I take it. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Nope, just a simple little room with a bed and a desk, luckily no dorm mate at the moment. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

You have a fireplace? – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

I do, but I can’t use it. - _Deducing Otter_

 

Why’s that? - _Captain Hedgehog_

 

I would have to ask my sod of a brother and he would of course complain I could just use a blanket. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Ah, not that romantic type I take it. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Is setting a fire to stave off hypothermia romantic? – _Deducing Otter_

 

Preventing hypothermia sets the mood, yes. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

I’ll keep that in mind – _Deducing Otter._

 

John raised his eyebrow at the message. Was Sherlock implying something or was it in his head?

 

I thought I was going to die when I was walking back from class. It was awful, I normally like walking. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

I’ve been inside all day, weather doesn’t really affect me all that much these days. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Never go for walks? They can be nice, assuming the sky isn’t pouring. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

No. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Right, you mentioned you don’t go out much. – _Captain Hedgehog_

He recalled the way Sherlock had clamed up when John mentioned his therapist, the small muttering of ‘sounds like mine’ when he told him how Ella said he need to get out more.

 

It’s funny, you know my dorm address but I have no idea where you are. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Does it matter? – _Deducing Otter_

Just curious. I mean, we’re friends, friends tend to know those things. But it’s alright, you don’t need to tell me. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

John was more then a bit disappointed that Sherlock didn’t seem to trust him enough to tell him. A small part of him had even hoped they might meet one day, Sherlock had been very open to giving John his phone number after all, though a bit more hesitant when it came to web caming for the first time.

 

No… it’s ok. We are friends. – _Deducing Otter_

 

John thought it almost seemed like Sherlock was confirming the fact, which gave him a hint of a smile.

 

London actually. Opposite side from you. – _Deducing Otter_

 

John’s smile widened and took up his whole face.

 

I didn’t realize you could be so close, I guess at times you just seemed like the man that lived inside my computer. – _Captain Hedgehog._

 

You know no one could live inside a compute right? – _Deducing Otter_

 

You know what I meant, and I wish I had known you’re in London sooner. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Look, I know what you’re thinking but I’m afraid it will never happen. – _Deducing Otter_

 

You’re right, the school cafeteria will never serve cheesecake. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Very amusing. I meant visiting me. It can’t happen. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Why not? We’re so close. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

It just wont work out. – _Deducing Otter_

 

We could meet somewhere else first? Somewhere public if you’re concerned about that. _–Captain Hedgehog_

 

No, it’s not that. Just, please John. Do this for me? Don’t push it. Please. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Tell me why at least? – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

I cant. Can you drop it? – _Deducing Otter_

 

Is it your brother? Or do you not want to meet me? – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

No, neither. Though I’m sure he would be very annoyed if you did come here. But it’s not you John, trust me. – _Deducing Otter_

 

You could come here instead. - _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Cant. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Never? – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Probably never, no. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Probably isn’t the same as never. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Then forget I said that and move on. – _Deducing Otter_

 

I can’t. – _Captain Hedgehog._

 

There was a pause before Sherlock typed anything.

 

I know you cant. – _Deducing Otter_

Why did you send me that package? – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

You seemed to like it. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Why though? – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Does it matter? – _Deducing Otter_

 

Yes. Tell me. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

There was an even long pause in messages.

 

BECAUSE I LIKE YOU. – _Deducing Otter_

 

Then I’m going to see you in person. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

John- please- don’t, why would you want to see me after that?? – _Deducing Otter_

 

Because I like you too and refuse to let whatever is holding you back come between us. _–Captain Hedgehog_

 

You’re being unreasonable. I said you can’t. – _Deducing Otter_

 

You crinkle your nose when you’re mad, I’ll bet you’re doing it right now. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

I said no. – _Deducing Otter_

 

It’s cute when you do that. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

You’re not gay. – _Deducing Otter_

 

I have a very expensive vibrator that might argue that point with you. – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

That doesn’t mean you like men. – _Deducing Otter_

 

No, liking you means I do. Should I bring it when I visit? – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

John… - _Deducing Otter_

 

I’ll take that as a yes. What’s the address? – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

Teasing me with a sex toy? That seems a bit beneath you. – _Deducing Otter_

 

I’m only joking. But please Sherlock. I want to see you. You’re amazing and brilliant and completely mad at times but that’s why I love you. _-Captain Hedgehog_

 

John typed the message out before he realized what he was saying. He hadn’t even completely admitted it to himself yet, but there it was.

 

John, I… I have to tell you something. You might change your mind about me after. _–Deducing Otter_

 

Whatever it is, it’s ok. Maybe you can tell me in person? – _Captain Hedgehog_

 

-Incoming Call-

 

John clicked the green call button, it would be better to do this face to face.

 

Sherlock looked beyond distraught, almost like he had just been crying had tried to wipe the tears away before calling him.

 

“Hey there, calm down, it’s ok really.”

 

“No John, It’s not ok, nothing is ok.” Sherlock’s voice was every bit as frantic as he looked.

 

“Shh, just calm down and breath alright?”

 

Sherlock took a shuttering breath, “I want to see you, in person, I really do, but it’s just not possible.”

 

“There’s a nice café down the street from where I live, we could meet up there and I’ll get you a cup of tea and a pastry.”

 

“You’re not even listening!” Sherlock’s nose crinkled a bit, even in a mood John couldn’t help but look away. He was otherworldly. How had he not realized his feelings sooner?

 

Sherlock looked up to scold him further, but couldn’t when he saw the John was looking at him, like he was the only other person alive. “John… It’s really not.”

 

“It doesn’t have to be there, it could be anywhere.”

 

Sherlock looked down at his lap, “No, it can’t be anywhere. It has to be here.”

 

“Then I’ll come there.”

 

Looking up again, Sherlock seemed like his very life was on the line, “I can’t… tomorrow. It has to be tomorrow at 12. Mycroft will be gone by then and…” his voice trailed off a bit.

 

John smiled, hopeful that Sherlock was finally giving in. “I’ll be there, noon, just give me an address.”

 

“895 Doyle Ave.”

 

“I’ll be there.”

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock's point of view, the secret revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So when I started this story I sat at my computer and said to myself, I should put the twist in the first chapter. It wouldn’t make sense if I didn’t. Then I though, ooh, I could just surprise everyone in chapter two. Then I realized, I should totally string you guys along for over 10k before I reveal what my concept for this story is. SO I guess what I’m saying, thanks for hanging in there guys and waiting this out. We’re finally gonna see Sherlock’s point of view in this chapter. Also there’s a bunch of clues in previous chapters :D

 

Chapter 9

 

John woke early, frantically showering and thinking about what would happen today. He stood under the hot spray of water far longer then he had planned on. What if Sherlock didn’t like him when they met? That he wasn’t the person Sherlock thought he was? He had been getting a strange sinking feeling for a while now that there was something Sherlock had been hiding from him, though he couldn’t think of what it was. Why was he seeing a therapist? There was nothing wrong with that of course, but people didn’t see one for no reason at all. Sherlock had a secret, and John so desperately wanted to know what it was, to tell him that whatever he thought was wrong probably wasn’t and alleviate some of his concerns. But he wasn’t sure if he could, whether it really was a big deal or not. The very thought of what Sherlock might be hiding was starting to eat away at him slowly. 

 

He dried quickly, still thinking of the way Sherlock would look at him through the monitor, those strangely luminous eyes watching him. He was never too sure what color they were, perhaps it was the screen or the lighting playing a trick on his eyes, but they seemed otherworldly. He knew he would finally get a clear view of them today though and John chuckled lightly to himself at the thought.

 

John opened his closet doors, realizing he really had nothing to wear. “Crap…”

What the hell did he look good in? What would Sherlock think he looked good in? He briefly considered wearing something nice, something with a good tie, but the idea quickly died. That was far too formal and he wasn’t even sure if they would be staying in Sherlock’s place or if he could convince him to go outside, which he already knew would be difficult to do. Sherlock was always at home… always.

 

John blinked rapidly a few times. Sherlock never once talked about going outside in all the time they had talked. He bought everything online and had it shipped, took online classes, ate home made meals on the rare occasion he felt like eating, or had something delivered. A small fear started to grip him, what if Sherlock was agoraphobic? It was a highly disconcerting thought, but it wasn’t something that would make him shy away. If Sherlock was, he was going to help him out, they would be able to get through it together.

 

Until then, there was the highly important matter of what to wear. With a defeated sigh he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Molly’s number.

 

There was a faint yawn on there other end of the line, “John? Something up?” Molly’ asked tiredly.

 

“Uhh, yea, I just um… I have a bit of a favor or rather question to ask.” John blushed a bit even though no one could see him. He was going to sound absolutely ridiculous.

 

“Of course, is this another computer thing?”

 

“No, not this time. Uhm… what looks good on me?” the awkwardness was very audible in his voice.

 

Molly gave a small giggle, “You’re not serious are you?”

 

“Please Molly, it’s very important.”

 

“Are you going on a date?” She gave a small joking gasp. “Oh John! I’m so excited for you! I knew there must be someone you’ve been flirting with. You always look so happy in class now, texting away with someone on your phone. Rushing out the door to get somewhere, I’ve been on to you.”

 

John’s blush deepened as he switched hands for his phone to go through the coat hangers. “Jeez, it’s not a… not really anyway… maybe…”

 

“Oh you! It’s so is a date!”

 

John chuckled, “It might be. I hope… I just really want this to go well ok? I… sort of haven’t met him yet.”

 

Molly was speechless for a moment, “It’s a him?”

 

John went quiet. He hadn’t meant to say that, not that he was hiding it really. He just didn’t know how to tell anyone yet and suddenly hoped terribly that Molly would be ok with this.

 

“Y-yes…”

 

“That’s fantastic! You’ll have to tell me all about him when it’s over!” She beamed, all of the stress instantly released out of John’s shoulders and he found he was grinning ear to ear.

 

“I will.”

 

“Good. Now… lets see. You were wearing a smashing blue over shirt a few days ago, brings your eyes and hair out. Go with that.”

 

“Thanks Molls, I’ll tell you how it went as soon as it’s over.”

 

“I’ll hold you to it.”

 

John dressed, still worried about his appearance and took far longer then average fussing over his hair.

 

Still on for today? -JW

 

* * *

 

 

Yes, remember, 12 sharp. –SH

 

Sherlock sighed, looking up at his phone as he laid in bed. Maybe today was a bad idea… What if John didn’t like him after they met? He had a tendency to rub off on people the wrong way after all. He groaned as he sat up, desperately wanting to text John that he changed his mind, that today was off. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wanted to meet John so bad, see him in person, all the little details that his computer wouldn’t show him. The calluses on his hands, the way he stood and held himself, the exact pitch of his voice… He needed John so bad. Why had he never told him the truth? This was doomed to go bad. He hadn’t really lied, not exactly, just failed to mention it. But wasn’t that the same? And god… last night. John had told him he loved him. Sherlock had wanted to say those words back, he had wanted that for so long, but he couldn’t. Not yet. John had to know first, see what he was getting himself into before they could have any form of attachment.

 

Clenching his fists at his side he glanced over towards his closet where he had already set out a more casual suit for the day. He wasn’t sure what John would like, but he was pretty sure it didn’t make much of a difference, people didn’t tend to notice his attire too much.

 

He grabbed the support bar just above the bed, pulling himself off and into the chair he so often felt trapped in. Why hadn’t he just told John from the beginning? He thought dismally, wheeling himself to the closet and slowly getting dressed.

 

Sherlock rolled his wheelchair out of the room, checking his watch. It wouldn’t be long now. John had always seemed so nice, understanding. He would probably see past this, they knew each other so well already, minus his own disability.

 

Mycroft was walking down the stair at that very moment, and Sherlock suddenly sat stalk still, maybe he hadn’t seen him yet.

 

“Sherlock?”

 

Shit. Shit. Shit. Sherlock instantly started rolling his chair back into the confines of his room, but it was too late, before he could get in all the way and lock the door Mycroft was there with his hand on the door holding it open.

 

“Going out today?” Mycroft eyed the outfit Sherlock had carefully chosen.

 

“Piss off, it doesn’t concern you.”

 

“If this is to do with a certain young man I’ve heard you chatting with on your computer, it certainly does.”

 

Sherlock narrowed his eyes. “I can have a life outside of you.”

 

“You don’t even know him Sherlock. He could be some sort of internet predator.”

 

“I do know him. I know almost everything about him-“

 

Mycroft eyed him, deducing his brother silently, “He doesn’t know does he?”

 

Sherlock went quiet, there was no point to lying, Mycroft when know he was.

 

“Oh brother… when will you learn? You think you know him but how could you? He thinks you’re someone that you’re not.”

 

“No… I- I never lied to him.”

 

“But you did, you let him think that you were like him, that you’re normal, but you’re not Sherlock. You need to learn that caring is not an advantage.”

 

Sherlock tried backing his chair up away from Mycroft again, but the older brother grabbed it quickly.

 

“No, I will not let you hide in there again.”

 

Sherlock’s eyes widened. “Please, Mycroft- don’t do this. I’m sorry, just don’t-“

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

John excitedly grabbed a taxi, making a quick stop on the way to Doyle Avenue at a small pastry shop to grab something special for Sherlock and himself. If he wouldn’t be able to convince him to go out, he would at least bring Sherlock something nice to munch on.

 

The cab stopped again just outside of 895 Doyle Avenue. It was a modest home, mostly white with dark trim and the drapes drawn. John could feel his heart pounding violently in his chest, this was really it. He knocked loudly, perhaps a bit too loudly he feared, his anticipation getting the better of him. But after a few moments there was no response so he tried again, checking his watch to make sure it was 12 exactly.

 

John’s phone chimed in his pocket. He awkwardly pulled it out, shifting the pastries to one arm to check his texts.

 

I apologize but we can no longer see each other. –SH

 

John furrowed his eyebrows at the phone and knocked harder, there was no way Sherlock couldn’t hear him if he was inside.

 

I’m really sorry John. –SH

 

You open this door now, I know you can hear me. –JW

 

John typed furiously, he did not come this far just to be turned away now.

 

I can’t, please, I need you to understand… it was a mistake. You should go back home. –SH

 

No Sherlock, I know you sounded afraid last night when you were telling me this was a bad idea, but you also looked so relieved, so happy, when you did tell me where you live and knew I was coming. –JW

 

There was a long pause before the next text came and John had nearly given up.

 

The door is unlocked, please shut it behind you. –SH

 

John thrust the phone back in his pocket as he tried the handle, amazed to find it really was open. Sherlock really wasn’t trying very hard if he hadn’t locked it before texting him to leave.

 

“Sherlock?” He called out quietly through the hall.

 

“In here.” The baritone responded from the closest room.

 

John cautiously peeked around the doorframe and found a messy head of curls sitting on a couch facing away from him. He couldn’t help but grin as he walked closer.

 

“That wasn’t so hard now was it?”

 

There was no response and John started feeling very nervous, rounding the corner to face him.

 

“Everything alright?” He placed the pastries on the coffee table in front of Sherlock, sad that he was staring intently at the ground and seemed to be sitting there awkwardly.

 

Sherlock brought his head up for a moment to see what John had brought, showing him a flash of those aquatic eyes, John thought his heart could melt from the sight of them.

 

“Brought them for you.” John grinned, hoping he could break the thick tension around them.

 

Sherlock hesitated before reaching to take one, finding he was just a bit too far away and quickly pulled back. “It’s ok.”

 

“Sherlock… it’s ok, really. I don’t understand what’s wrong, but please relax. We could go-“

 

“No” Sherlock responded far too quickly, “I… John, I can’t…”

 

“Get up.”

 

“W-what?” John had broken Sherlock’s train of thought.

 

“Get up and come here, you’re about to fall to pieces.” When Sherlock made no move to stand, John huffed and marched to his side, grabbing his arm and tried to pull Sherlock to his feet.

 

Sherlock’s eyes instantly went wide, “J-JOHN! Stop!” he nearly fell before John quickly caught him, righting his position on the couch. Sherlock’s face instantly went red.

 

“S-sorry, are you ok-“ John slowly realized what went wrong with his action. “Oh… oh god, I am so- so sorry!” he backed away a bit, not wanting to do more damage.

 

“I’m fine, I’m not hurt.” Sherlock muttered.

 

“You- uh, hurt your leg?” That explained why he hadn’t gotten up yet John thought.

 

Sherlock rolled his eyes. “It was my brother’s little ‘joke’ to put me here. Said I deserved it… for leading you on or something.”

 

John cocked his head a bit, not following.

 

Sherlock sighed and took a settling breath. “I tried telling you, I really did. It didn’t seem important at first, by the time it did I thought it seemed a bit late to be telling you, or I would convince myself I would tell you soon.”

 

John finally spotted the wheelchair sitting in the corner of the room.

 

“So as you can see, today is not particularly good as my brother’s idea of having fun has left me bound to the sofa.” Sherlock waited for John to be mad that he had lied, find some reason why he had to go, pretended now that they had met in person that he was wrong about the feelings he had confessed to the night before.

 

John blinked, still a bit confused. “But… you’re uh, chair? It’s right there isn’t it?”

 

“Yes, across the room where I cant get to it, and I can’t exactly get up without his help.”

 

“But… it’s just there? I mean, I could just get it if you like.” It hurt John deeply to see the pain in Sherlock’s eyes.

 

Sherlock looked down at the floor again, “I have extremely limited mobility, I cant stand or pull myself into the chair without someone picking me up.”

 

“Then there’s no problem, I was hoping to hold you anyway, this just provides a good excuse for me to do it.” John grinned, kneeling close to him.

 

“Its… not weird? I really don’t want to impose-“

 

John shushed him with a finger to the mouth, “Are you coming out with me or not?”

 

Sherlock nodded quickly, “Get me in it before my brother comes back? He’ll try to stop me.”

 


	10. Confrontation

Chapter 10

 

John placed one arm under Sherlock’s knees and the other on his back as he picked him up and placed him in the chair, smiling giddily at the light shade of pink that Sherlock was turning. He noticed Sherlock was able to adjusted his legs slightly by himself, which was rather promising John thought.

 

Sherlock’s hands went to his wheels, testing that Mycroft hadn’t tweaked them when he grabbed him early and dragged him off it.

 

“Everything all right?” John hadn’t noticed he had unconsciously leaned down to Sherlock’s eye level, his hand resting on Sherlock’s knee to keep his balance.

 

“Fine now… thank you John.” Sherlock’s eyes watched John’s hand before they flicked up to him, a small smile forming on his lips. “Planning ‘busting me out’ of here?” A glimmer of teeth showed through his smile as he tilted his head forward a bit.

 

“As you wish.” John grinned back, leaning closer as well. Sherlock was far more mesmerizing in person he was now finding. He paused for a moment just to stair into those amazing aquatic eyes. Before he knew what he was doing, John had closed his own eyes and was closing the distance between them, wanting desperately to feel those cupid bow lips against his own.

 

“I think that’s quite enough now.” An unfamiliar voice boomed.

 

John’s eyes snapped open, they were mere centimeters apart now, Sherlock had definitely moved close on his own but now his eyes were down cast like before.

 

John looked up, spying the source of the voice, a tall man in a suit with auburn hair. “Mycroft…” he muttered to himself.

 

“I see you’ve come after all ‘Captain Hedgehog’.”

 

John cringed at the silly sounding username but flared with rage when he realized this was the man who had forcefully taken Sherlock out of his chair.

 

“And obviously you’ve seen through Sherlock’s little charade, so how about you leave now and save yourself some time.”

 

John grimaced at him, already straightened out from his previous condition and held tightly to the sides of the wheelchair. “I’m not leaving without Sherlock.”

 

“My, aren’t you loyal fast. He lied to you about something rather important I would say, doesn’t that make you wonder what else he’s been lying about?” Mycroft quirked an eyebrow as he slowly descended the stairs, never breaking eye contact with him.

 

“Nothing! I swear to you, this was it John.” Sherlock rushed to say in a quieted voice.

 

John reached out for Sherlock’s hand and held it in his, “Shh, I know.”

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

“There’s no need to apologize.” John tried reassuring him.

 

Mycroft glared at them from the foot of the stairs just a few meters away. “I can assure you there are things he has not cared to mention yet.”

 

Sherlock shot him a look of pure rage. “I haven’t ‘lied’ to him.” Omitting things wasn’t really the same, especially when the subject never came up.

 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m not leaving him now.” John clenched his jaw, desperately wanting to move back and away from Mycroft. He felt a small squeeze around his hand and looked down.

 

“Mycroft, I have had enough of your antics! You can’t keep me imprisoned here anymore! I know you think I’m your responsibility since the… accident, but I’m not!”

 

“It’s not just your immobility that I worry about brother, and you know that.”

 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m leaving.”

 

“Funny, you were so desperate to leave when you were first confined, then after I let you, you refused to leave. Didn’t want to see anyone you use to know or let people think you’ve become an invalid.” Mycroft remarked dryly.

 

Sherlock turned his wheels so he was facing away from Mycroft and down the hall at the front door. He couldn’t even recall the last time he had been outside. There was a large ledge in the doorway to keep air from escaping and two steps on the porch. Mycroft had never bothered installing a wheelchair ramp for him. It was extremely difficult and partially dangerous for him to attempt to leave on his own.

 

“John- would you-“

 

John grabbed the handles on the back of his chair, already knowing what the problem was. “I got you.”

 

Mycroft held his hands in fists at his side, “I will not come to your aid again if you turn up somewhere half out of your mind on drugs.”

 

Sherlock felt the hitch in John’s step at that and sank down in his chair further. He really didn’t want John to know about that side of him.

 

Just as John was pushing him through the door and helping to carefully lower the chair down the steps, Mycroft called one more thing out to him, “Your therapist is still coming tomorrow like always, do be here, you still need him. Try to… keep safe.”

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 

John let go of the back of Sherlock’s chair and came around the front, before he could say anything, Sherlock cut him off.

 

“I realize none of this was what you were expecting, I- I’m really sorry-“

 

“Nonsense- well, I mean I wasn’t expecting it… but that’s not the point. Now I just feel silly for having nothing planned.” He smiled at Sherlock, “I gathered you don’t really go out too much,” or at all it seemed but John tried staying positive, “So is there anywhere you’d like to go?”

 

Sherlock stared at him blankly before idly placing his hands on the wheels at either side of him. “I suppose I should feel guilty, we left the pastries you brought inside, but it seems counter productive to ‘storming out’ if we went back in for them.”

 

John chuckled, “We’ll just have to find lunch somewhere else then, what type of food do you like?”

 

“There’s a bagelry two streets down from here, I’ve never been to it but when there’s a strong southern wind I can smell it quite well from my window.”

 

John tried to mask a frown, how long had Sherlock been storing himself away in that house? He could see Sherlock was squinting from the sun that he never went in. “Sounds great, just lead the-“ John froze and stopped mid sentence, oh god what had he just said?

 

Sherlock smirked up at him, instantly catching why John had stopped talking, “The way? Happily.” He turned his wheels to face the direction they would be headed.

 

“S-sorry…”

 

“It’s really fine. I’m not as incapable as you might think and not easily offended anyway.” Sherlock began wheeling himself down the street when he grimaced and stopped, his nose crinkling in obvious disgust. “My wheels are going to get dirty and I don’t have gloves.” He would have to invest in some if he went out like this with John again he thought. Sherlock looked up at him, batting his eyes a bit for effect. “Would you push me?”

 

John smiled, “gladly.” He had been nervous about political correctness, not sure what was considered ‘acceptable behavior or assumptions’ but relaxed significantly when he realized Sherlock likely didn’t know either and more importantly, didn’t care.

 

Sherlock folded his hands under his chin in what he considered to be a ‘thinking’ position as John pushed him to the bagelry, occasionally telling him to alter his course to get there.

 

***

 

John found himself stealing glances whenever he could at the still undeniable mystic that was Sherlock from across the small booth. Sherlock ate exceptionally slow, practically picking at his food with a difficult expression to read.

 

“Is something wrong?” John asked a bit concerned.

 

“You have questions I’m sure. You can ask you know, you deserve an explanation.”

 

John paused mid bite into his sandwich, he had so much he wanted to know but he couldn’t just blurt out anything that came to mind.

 

Sherlock rolled his eyes dramatically, “Why did I have to find a shy one? Alright, lets do it like this.” He cleared his throat loudly. “Sherlock, why is it you’re in a wheel chair? Were you born that way or were you crippled?” he mocked John’s voice, smiling when he saw him blushing. “Nope, I was born perfectly fine in fact.” He went back to his normal voice. “I was in a car accident two years ago. I’m not fully paralyzed as you likely noticed and do in fact have some movement of my legs.” Sherlock paused to see if John would actually speak up and ask anything as he measure his reactions.

 

“That’s… god, that’s awful. How did the accident happen?”

 

Sherlock’s head bowed a bit as he tried to avoid eye contact. “It’s not terribly important is it?”

 

“Of course it is, I… I care Sherlock. I want to know. Nothing concerning you is unimportant.”

 

“You wont like it.” Sherlock nearly whispered.

 

“Well that’s a given.”

 

Sherlock sighed, “Victor was driving us-“

 

“Victor?”

 

Sherlock’s brows furrowed a bit in anger for a moment, “Yes… he was… a former /friend/. He was driving us down town to meet someone who had promised he could give us…” he flicked his eyes away from John again. This was far from easy. “…the best high of our lives.”

 

John’s eyes widened, “That’s why Mycroft…”

 

“He thinks I’ll try to seek out drugs again.”

 

John blinked for a moment, “Wait, this /Victor/ guy, was he-“

 

“High on cocaine at the time. Yes. “

 

John sat back for a moment trying to take that in. “And that’s how the crash happened.”

 

There was a moment of silence before Sherlock continued. “I was in a coma for a week. Mycroft was there when I woke up, he had fallen asleep waiting for me. I… I didn’t know what was wrong with me at first, why my legs didn’t work. The feeling in them came back a few months later, possibly because of Lestrade… or so he loves reminding me.”

 

“Lestrade?”

 

“Oh, right. You weren’t home when I was skyping you that day.”

 

“Ah, Lestrade is your therapist then? The one you’re supposed to see tomorrow?”

 

“Mhmm, physical therapist.”

 

John dreaded asking his next question, “And… Victor- is he…?”

 

“Perfectly fine. He walked away from the crash.” Sherlock’s gaze became distant. “He came to see me once when I was out of the hospital. He wanted to take me to another drug den.”

 

“And you didn’t go?” John was unsure where this was going.

 

“He took one look at my chair and left.” Sherlock took in a sharp breath. “He later texted me that I was broken goods and was no longer useful.”

 

John’s eyes widened and felt as though his heart had plummeted. No wonder Sherlock didn’t want to tell him about this he thought. He took Sherlock’s hand in his own and held it for a moment, “He’s nothing but a bastard who never deserved to be in your life.”

 

“He was right…”

 

“No! Lock, don’t you ever dare think like that.”

 

“I thought I would never feel anything below my waist again, it was already terrifying that I knew I would never walk again.”

 

John hesitantly put his other hand under the table between them and on Sherlock’s knee. “You can feel now though.” He leaded closer.

 

Sherlock blushed, no one aside from his therapist and Mycroft touched his legs, and that was only from necessity. He knew he had lost much of the muscle in them and they were beginning to get boney.

 

“And this changes nothing about what I said last night.” John whispered, forcing Sherlock to lean closer.

 

“Last ni-“ before he could finish, John  captured his lips in a long drawn out kiss that was sweeter then any he had ever had.

 

“I still love you.”

 

Sherlock smirked against John’s mouth, “You brought it didn’t you? My present I sent you.”

 

Now John was flushing furiously, “y-yes…”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry about how long it took to get this out. Also its shorter then normal, sorry. Didn’t want to cut off in the middle of the following scene basically.

Chapter 12

“Lets go back to your place.”

 

“What happened to going out??”

 

“There’s people outside… idiotic masses of them…”

 

John wondered if Sherlock actually just didn’t want people seeing him like this. He often peered around with a look of dread on his face.

 

“Fine, but you should know, its just a two person dorm, its pretty small.”

 

***

 

Sherlock smiled as John pushed him to the door that was so clearly his. There were scratch marks around the keyhole where John would get home late and tired, too out of it to get the key in the hole right the first time. Smudges at the bottom where the door had been kicked open, likely as John was attempting to get inside while carrying something heavy like boxes or groceries.

 

As John went to unlock the door, it quickly swung open, nearly hitting him in the face as it revealed his old roommate.

 

John groaned internally, "I thought you moved out."

 

"I did, came back to get my stuff. And I only left because you stay up all night long laughing at your bloody computer screen. Arse."

 

John over dramatically rolled his eyes, "well I couldn't sleep with your constant snoring anyway."

 

He pushed John aside, not watching where he was going and nearly walking into Sherlock's chair. "Filled my place with a cripple? Serves you right for forcing me out."

 

"Anderson!" John was furious, that was much too far, "I swear to god, if you don't get out of here now I'm going to punch you so hard you won't be able to use your jaw."

 

Sherlock smiled lightly at that, all the while avoiding eye contact with the two.

 

Anderson huffed as he stomped off calling back, "have 'fun' taking care of him."

 

Sherlock's smile was quickly gone again. It was one of his deepest fears that he would only ever be seen as a burden. John scowled in the direction that Anderson left in, not noticing a door down the hall had cracked open a bit as the occupant watched them.

 

"I'm really sorry about that Lock, he's quite possibly the stupidest person ii have ever met in my life. Just ignore him." John gently took the handles of sherlock's chair and pushed him inside, turning the chair to face him before shutting and locking the door. "Sherlock? Are you ok?"

 

Sherlock didn't look up, he was too focused on his hands in his lap and doing his best not to show any emotion. Internally he thought he might cry at any moment.

 

"Hey there..." John said softly, kneeling to eye level with him as he cupped Sherlock’s cheeks and tilted his head up to look at him. "None of that now, alright?"

 

"I don't need to be taken care of..." Sherlock's voice was little more then a raspy whisper.

 

"I know you don't." Before Sherlock could talk again, John lightly pressed their lips together.

 

Sherlock pulled him closer but the angle was undeniably awkward. They both knew they couldn't exactly be close with Sherlock sitting. He sighed with slight irritation and pushed his wheels backwards, pulling himself beside John's bed. There was no ceiling handle to pull him self onto the mattress like his own room had.

 

"What are you...?"

 

"Help me on the bed?"

 

John swallowed, Sherlock just wanted to be closer to him, surely. He carefully warped a hand around his waist and put the other under Sherlock's legs as he lifted him onto the mattress. Sherlock leaned forward to take of his shoes and let them drop to the floor, despite the tread having never been used and couldn't possibly have a bit of dirt on them. He looked up with hooded eyes, partially obscured from a few loose locks of black curls.

 

"Join me."

 

John quickly kicked off his shoes and climbed next to him. Oh. This was much nicer. Being on relatively equal playing fields made quite a difference. John scooted close, balancing on his hands and knees as Sherlock sat upright. He realized Sherlock was taller then him like this, which he found he rather liked.

 

"John?"

 

"Mhmm?"

 

"What are we? What is this?" Sherlock asked hesitantly.

 

John wrapped himself around him, his hot breath hitting Sherlock’s neck before he licked at it and began lightly sucking. "What would you like us to be? I love you Lock."

 

"I... I love you too John."

 

It was clear to John that Sherlock was too nervous to propose anything himself. "I want you-"

 

"Oh god I want you too!" Sherlock pulled him onto his lap.

 

"I was going to say, I want you to be my boyfriend..." He blushed.

 

Sherlock turned bright red, "O-oh... T-that would be nice, yes. My... Boyfriend." He smiled at the word.

 

John chucked, "I want you too."


End file.
